Day 10 - Red

Red...one of my least favourite colours. I'm not sure what it is about red, I'm just not that fond of it, it hasn't done anything to me personally to make me dislike it, I just don't like it. Well, unless it comes in the form of Christmas, but the other 10 months of the year (yes, I'm one of those that like to make Christmas last as long as possible) I would rather not have it feature in my day to day life. 

I knew this day was coming and to be honest I wasn't 100% certain what I was going to do, red nails seemed like a good idea. Then along came a YouTube video to change my Thursday evening. I like to wind down from a long day by watching vlogs (nosey gene strikes again), one of my favourites is Zoe Sugg (Zoella and Morezoella). Zoe is my age and we have quite a few things in common, I'm sure a million people can say that, one of which is anxiety and panic attacks. One of the things I love most about Zoe is her openness about her struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, and last night she introduced us to a new campaign that she is running with the mental health charity Mind. The campaign is known as the "Dont Panic Button". The basics of the campaign is that you wear a red button on your person in solidarity with people who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. If you suffer from anxiety / panic attacks you will know just how isolated you can feel at times, by wearing a red button on your person, it gives you an opportunity to open yourself up to either helping someone who has anxiety or to show people that you may need help at certain times. If you would like to know more I'll leave a link to her video below as well as a more indepth article.

I decided that I would open up and tell a small part of my anxiety journey as today is World Mental Health day. I remember the first time I had an anxiety attack, it was three days after I had been mugged by 5 men outside a friends house. The mugging was brutal to say the least and while it was happening I just kept looking at the other people in the road who were just ignoring what was happening, I remember feeling completely alone. Fast forward three days and I found myself sitting in my shoe cupboard, my chest felt like it was caving in, my throat closed and I couldn't get a grip on myself. I hated it, I felt out of control, scared and like I was about the explode. I couldn't explain to my boyfriend what was happening, he had no idea how to help me, it was a complete and utter mess. I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder, I thought to myself "This can't be that bad" and at the time you don't realise just how badly it can affect your life. I started seeing my friends less and less, I never wanted to go out, not because I didn't want to see my friends, but this overwhelming feeling of panic would just sit with me, and so I decided to rather just stay at home. The attacks come out of no where, in some situations I can keep myself calm and am able to handle myself, in others, not so much. There are a few people in my life who can tell when an attack is about to happen and how to keep me in the moment when it does, I am grateful for these people, because to have an attack infront of a bunch of people who have no idea what is happening, really sucks. I don't like to show vulnerability to people, so when I feel like I am about to have an anxiety attack, the fear of vulnerability coupled with my anxiety just makes things worse. I feel the "Dont Panic Button" campaign is awesome in this way, it brings to light the struggle that most people face silently. This is what I decided to do with my red button...

I feel that at a later stage I will go into more depth about exactly what I go through with my anxiety, baby steps for me :) 

I hope that by writing about this that maybe I can spread a little comfort with any of you who may be suffering with the same thing.

Until tomorrow...

LL

Link to look at :http://ht.ly/2ORQNe