The Girl With The Multi Coloured Nails...

Oh goodness me it's been a hot minute since I wrote my last post, and I'm sorry for that, but life threw me a curveball that I wasn't at all ready for.




Just over three weeks ago my gran was rushed to hospital with chest pains. After a day they moved her to another hospital as things had become clear that her heart was in a lot of trouble. Fast forward to Thursday the 11th, after 10 days in hospital and a bout of bronchitis later, my gran was ready to head into an operation where they would perform 5 bypasses in order to save her life.

I was lucky enough to have the chance to see her on Friday the 5th, just me her and my dad. We chatted about weird things, her hate for being in hospital, I got to meet some of the nurse friends she had made and she told me to take her horribly bright pink lipstick home with me "for later"...

The operation was performed the Thursday after that, I didn't have a chance to go visit her again, but told her we'd go for tea when she felt better. She didn't feel better, she didn't get better. There were complications and another emergency operation was performed, I rushed to the hospital on Saturday the 13th. I didn't get a chance to see her then, the nurses let me into the ICU unit but the doctors were busy working on her and asked me to leave.

Monday the 15th rolled around and I received a phone call at 6:09am, it was my dad and I knew what he was going to say...I didn't really want to answer the call. My gran hadn't made it through the night.

Now you're probably wondering right now "geez you're being really open about this", well thats the thing about me, I'm always open and honest and to write about it is helping me deal with things. I've lost people before in my life, but for me this has been unbelievably hard.

My gran was amazing, she was the strongest person I knew. She was always working on something, whether it be something for her church, the needy or her family, my gran would work. She was stubborn and knew what she wanted. She would tell you the dead honest truth, even if it hurt you, because she knew a lie would hurt more. She cared for so many people, her 4 kids and the 10 grandchildren that came after that. I still wonder how the hell she kept all of us in line when we were younger, but she did it. She was an unbelievable inspiration to, and its breaking my heart to think I won't see her again, but I do feel her.

So why the multi coloured nails you ask? I know this isn't my usual polished look, but there is a great reason behind it. When I turned 21 my gran gave a speech, boy what a speech it was. When you have 9 other cousins who are unbelievably talented and huge personalities, it's really easy for you to feel as though your family doesn't pay attention to you, but my gran had that down. She had each of our personalities so on point it was unbelievable. In her speech to me she started by calling me her colourful child. She said she never knew what colour my hair would be or my nails would be or what weird outfit I would put together. She saw me as her rainbow child. At 21 I didn't quite "get" what she was saying and as the years went on I forgot about it, until Monday. I wore my nails like this to her funeral and the funniest thing, one of my cousins knew the reason before I even told him.

I know this is a ridiculously long post, but bare with me, you'll see why.
I have decided to change a bunch of things in my life. I'm going to stop with this self doubt, this need to question every move I make, this need that I am not good enough. I'm going to live without fear and embrace every second I can. I'm going to be that rainbow child she saw, no I'm not turning myself into a human box of crayons, but I am going to make sure that every person who comes in contact with me see's the rainbow child she saw. And I want the same for all of you, don't spend your life doing things you hate, things that make your world black, white and grey. Live each day as if you are writing the best chapter of your book yet.

(My gran and I at my matric dance in 2007)

For those of you who have made it this far through this post, thank you, lets be some rainbow children together :)

Until next time...